you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
