Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
