my being single is dangerous.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
