You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
