So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
