Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
third nipple confirmed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
