Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
