"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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