She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
