Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
