i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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