He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
