I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
