and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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