well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
