Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
