The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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