last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
