did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The power of my boobs compel you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
