im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
