I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
