Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
