**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
