Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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