i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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