She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
