i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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