the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
