There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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