I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
