dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
