I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
