so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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