I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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