i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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