the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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