"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You did what with his pubic hair?
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