I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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