who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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