Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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