The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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