no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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