I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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