i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
