I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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