Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
