did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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