he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
