I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
