Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
