You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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