wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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