guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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